Its morning, and I am thinking about my mom. My mother, the lady who brought me into this world and gave me life. And even here, I want to stop and Thank God for her. But I do so, knowing, there were sins, between a mother, and a daughter.
I don’t want to paint a pretty picture, and portray her, and me, baking cookies, and having tea parties, or pretty illusions, between a mother, and a daughter.
I have to be honest. It was tumultuous, and there was no peace. There was never ever a time, where we could just agree, to disagree. No standard was ever set in this, as far as having rules, or guidelines, to communicate, effectively. For I was not taught this.
Yet there was love, I did love her, very much. And I know she did love me. Though there were times, I don’t think and respectively, I say this, that we did show love to one another.
Sure when I was a little girl, I would always apologize, I would always try to make amends. And even when I grew up, I was still doing that. But the sad thing, was when I was old enough, I could see, I was always the one to apologize. Always…and it did bother me.
But there was no rule to live by. In the sense, and I am looking back in retrospect, that we did not know how not to murmur and complain. Nor did we know how, not to make a mountain out of a mole heal. Together, we did not know how to soothe each other, or bring out the best in each other. But I was the child. She was the mother.
My mother, did not have an example of having a mother raise her. So there in itself, is a lot of the answer, I think. And my mom, would testify, that my grandmother, had been born and left on some porch, of a Jewish family. And so her roots, are hard to trace. And she died at a very young age, when my mother was very small.
So my mother, did not have a strong sense of family, nor a foundation, even in faith, or a sense, of what she could do, because really no one instilled that in her. She was one of a few brothers and one half sister, and that family, too was broken, by death, of grandma, and grandpa, and just poverty.
My mom, had a very hard life. Even in marrying, growing old, etc. And it was expressed in how she thought, believed, etc.
But she loved me. She protected me, and always gave to me. She taught me to pray, she taught me about the Bible.
I wish now, I had not rebelled. I wish, that I had been able to comfort her, or that she saw and encouraged me in who I could be. I wish, that communication was not one-sided. Or where she always had to be victorious. But she did not have that, so how could she give that to me. She needed to have that to be in control….
I just wish…..
All I know, is I do cherish the times, when we were able to have a few moments here or there, with a laugh, or a lunch, or whatever we shared, and I do miss her.
It has been 9 years, this January 18th, that she passed. And the last memories I have are, very, very sad. So, sad, I need to keep them private. I sense her and recall her in my mind by my memories. The sadness, of the loss. I do grieve, that it was not better.
Yet, again, all I know, is there, was this love. Love that came from her teaching me to pray. To God. My father prayed for me to be born, but she taught me to pray.
She was uncompromising. Some would call it stubborn. And that used to bother me, now I appreciate it. It protected me, so much more, then I will probably ever know. And yes she did protect me. She was a good woman. A clean woman. A woman, who protected me, by even denying herself, love. Because she did not want anyone to harm me. She worked hard. And provided, as best as she could. She taught me compassion, love for animals, and those less fortunate then me. She was love.
I just wish, we could have nipped, the strife, from whatever it was, that got in the way. That it could have been worked out. It never did. We just picked ourselves up, and started from there, but not by acknowledging, the true source of the problem. The love worked itself back, to some sense of being normal. But the strife always, always came back.
I suppose it was the devil. But no more, I learned from that. And if there is any generational curses, I know they are broken, by the blood of Jesus. I decree, even here in the name of Jesus, that every generational curse is broken, and my bloodline, is cleansed, and will serve God. In righteousness, peace, truth, love, and Gods holy spirit. Holiness, that can only come from the sacrifice of Christ Jesus. There is power in His blood, that cleanses the sins, of the father, or mother, from generation to generation. If you get anything, out of this tribute to my mother. Know that!! The faith, in victory, I have, is because of the blood of Jesus, for my family blood line!!
We do not allow that kind of strife in our home, even now. I won’t fuel it, and when anyone in our family, disagrees, we agree to disagree, in love. Not holding grudges, not being touchy, we forgive. We talk it out. Communication, to see how we can bless each other. And yes, we pray, we pray about everything, that concerns each other. Always taking our needs to the throne of God. Trusting him because He makes a way, in all things. He is love.
I just want to acknowledge her now, before God, and the world, and just say Thank you mom. I pray, the forgiveness, I pray to God for my part in our relationship, would be evident, and forgiveness, would flow, with blessings.
I love you mom. I do miss you. I don’t miss fussing, disagreeing, or fighting. But I miss you……
I just want the love to be evident…..
Just my thoughts, Elena Ramirez
A Prayer of Honor….
Father, by the blood of Jesus, I honor you, in my prayer. No longer a prayer warrior of hope, but in confidence, to honor, you, I know it is the blood of Jesus, that has broken, the curse, of strife, and discord. In my family. Lord, I lift up my mothers memory, and pray, Father, her soul is at rest. For I have come to your throne, releasing her, and myself, from that strife, that always would take a hold of us. Let love, for there was love, let love, be our memory, as mine of hers, and hers of mine. Let love cover a multitude of sins. Father, I pray for whoever may be reading this, and I pray, they know, by the blood of Jesus, that you can bring harmony, and love into their home. That you can change relationships between all members. Let them continue to try, in love. But always in praying, applying the blood. We did not, because we knew not. Your people perish for lack of knowledge. But I know now. Thank you Lord, for the plan you have for my family, by the blood of Jesus. The enemy cannot defeat that. And I am grateful to you, my Lord God, for showing me, truth, and love, to set us free. In Jesus name. Amen
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