You know, I think, that is the most grievous sense of betrayal, one can receive, when they are hurt by people, they loved, in the body of Christ.
I had been in a place of authority, where I served God, and served others, in prayer.
I could give the details, but I won’t because I do not want to hurt the people that hurt me. Or the church, I was affiliated with, the pastors….
But, it hurt me so much, because for a long while I did not understand it. Later, here, and there, I picked up pieces, of this, and that, and I understood. But it was still a lie from the devil.
And then I learned the meaning of the scripture, of Revelation 12:10:
AND I HEARD A LOUD VOICE SAYING IN HEAVEN, NOW IS COME SALVATION AND STRENGTH, AND THE KINGDOM OF OUR GOD, AND THE POWER OF HIS CHRIST: FOR THE ACCUSER OF OUR BRETHERN IS CAST DOWN WHICH ACCUSED THEM BEFORE OUR GOD DAY AND NIGHT.
For what had been said about me was a lie from the devil. The accuser of the brethern, the devil, stopped me where I was serving God. And I was accused, and I was slandered, and I was spoken of by false witnesses. And it hurt me. In fact, when I was fired, which I was, I came home, and cried, and threw up. It hurt me that bad. Because I loved them. I loved, what I did for Christ, and I knew, somehow, the devil, had made people, believe a lie.
I even had a couple, tell me they “marked” me, like by some examples of the Bible. And when I see some religious groups, who do things like that I cringe. Because no one has the right to judge. Not like that.
And I know, their are some Judas and Jezebel,type people, and spirits, and you do not want them in your groups, or churches. But, I am a friend to Christ. I was serving, I was winning souls. So I knew, the devil wanted me out of there. But even in that, my “method” of saving souls was questioned.
Religion….it scares me. I have seen people, in great numbers, coming together, to hurt someone……..Shunning, rejecting, snubbing and making someone an outcast. I know what it meant and felt like, to get the “cold shoulder.” All of sudden people, who would run to embrace me, now ran from me. An outcast. That outcast was me. So, I know. And it was not my imagination.
Consequently, after some time, some bridges were mended. By some. And I did forgive, for that is what Christ has taught us, but true reinforcement, was never reinstated, nor, was any explanation, given to me, counsel, or by that, any apologies. Though, I did forgive.
And even here, I say “God bless them. Lord, help them, to see, the damage they are doing. Let them see, the error of this, that they are being used by the devil. Lord, open their eyes. To truth, and love, not lies, let them, see Lord.” I pray, for souls, who come in the name of the Lord, but they really do not display the fruit of love, or the Holy spirit. People make mistakes. So, I want to be able to release them, in love. Even though, it was the greatest hurt, I ever felt.
I know, God can restore. And I know, God can redeem the time. So I am not bitter. What the devil intended, for evil, I know, even this, God can turn for the good. Maybe even for you.
Now, why God is bringing it up to me now, only He knows. But I am an open book, for Him, to use, perhaps, for someone, who is going through, what I went through, or could also be in a position to hurt someone. In the body of Christ. I don’t know. I do know, that it hurt me so bad, so deeply, that I am very reserved. I do not serve, in any church any more. Or other organizations, or ministries.
And in fact, I do not have a place, that I call a church home. We had left, but then returned. After a short amount of time, after the shock, and, we had stayed at the church, for a long while, so I could just prove, that I would not be run out, nor would I give into being a victim. I held onto the only dignity I had, the truth. But after a while, I just felt the Lord telling me, to move on, so we did, as a family. And it so affected all of us in my family. They were hurt by it too….
We, go to different churches, and I have learned to be reserved. Because of religious people, who have hurt me. They were hard, stoic, judgmental, and with the attitude, that they were better, than others with their self-righteous judgements.
I go worship, and come back home. Because the word of God says, do not forsake the assembling of yourselves. But, I do not get involved, for the most part. Unless, considered, and asked. I guess, I am afraid, and I do not trust people. Now I have to interject, here, because I know the word of God says, fear is a sin. Is it fear of people I don’t know. I don’t want to sin, I want to walk in love. But, I am extremely cautious. Is that o.k.? Anyway, I so want to be used by God, and I will have to learn to trust again. But, I do not now….
Unless, they prove themselves, to love me. Or more then anything, they prove themselves, by the scripture, by the word of God, that Christ taught, to love one another. To not judge. I test the spirits. I am called to do that. By the word of God. And I encourage you to do the same. To see the fruit. I may not tell them I am testing them. But I do.
By love, by compassion, by kindness, by the word of God. And if they express it. Yes, I would be willing, to be more inclined, to be more friendly.
For, I may love them, and quietly pray for them, and I will be cordial, courteous, kind, and yes, I would serve, if asked. But, seldom, have I been asked. But I am, in my own comfort zone, to serve here, in my writing etc. So, I do not get involved, with others. This is my outlet. This is my ministry, in Christ.
Now, I need to say something, because I don’t want to hurt anybody who may read this, and I may have met them, at recent churches I have attended. There have been places, where I was embraced by love. By pastors, by the congregation. But for whatever reason, a prompting from God, we left. We left the church. But it had nothing to do with the people, or doctrine, or even the past pains. Things happen, peoples schedules change too. Our schedules, have changed from time to time.
So, I guess, I am right now, I am a drifter for the Lord….. I want to serve God, as an inspirational speaker, and in my writing. But the truth of the matter, is, we have not found a church, where, I am comfortable, or where I serve. Or where, I will get involved. It did hurt that bad.
I do serve God, because I have to, in my own ministry, and in my writing, but I don’t hold back. I have to, release truth. Because when the Holy Spirit, gives me a word, I have to release it, and write it. But, I am not paid for it, and I do this for free. I do not ask anybody for anything. God meets my needs. By my husband. I do this, I write for the Lord, because the sacrifice of Christ was too great. I have to release any word, God gives me. And I will be obedient to God. I know His voice. It is always love.
Maybe someday, I will find a church home, and I will feel at home, and I will feel the love, and I will stay. But right now, and it has been more then, ten years, since this happened, at least, but I will just wait on the Lord. I choose to love, and I pray, to be used by God. But if they did, what they did to Jesus, it can happen. Remember, the Pharisees, and their “religious” spirits.
Just be careful out there, and walk in love, love all, give people the benefit of the doubt. Pray, if you hear a bad report about somebody. Maybe even talk to the person. But don’t treat them like dirt. Don’t reject them, and expect fruit. Don’t listen to the devil. Know, the devil is a liar, and He will always try to make someone look bad. Especially, if they serve God. To whom it may concern. If you are in authority, or even if you just warm the pews. Let the love of Christ, be your guide.
And as I conclude, I will say this, I knew this was going to happen, the Lord revealed something to me that day, as I was fired, and I knew, something was going to happen, that would stop, me, from being used, in a place, where I was saving souls.
I just know this, what the enemy intended for evil, God will turn for good, for my good, and for the good of others. I will go on, to do what Christ has called me to do. In a great and mighty way. The gates, of hell will not prevail against me. For my Lord, will build His church, in me, and others.
I just want to add, if you are looking for a church, look for a place, where love is. Be careful with “cliquish” people. Who really are in church, for social reasons only. Go to a church, where the word of God is taught. Look for a place, where all people go, and the Pastor encourages love. Not just once in a while, but always….That he encourages, all types of people, to join, and to be united, by all races, ethnicities etc. Look for love, and walk in love.
Like Christ taught us….
Just my thoughts, with love,
Father, I really do not understand, why you want me to write this. After all this time, but I know, your voice, and I know, I must obey. Your reasons, are not always ours, though, I do, want to be in unity with you, in this. Will it help heal me more? I don’t know. I thought, I had, by forgiving. I do not want to bring any condemnation. But there is always conviction. If someone reads this, and they were a part of it, they will know. But maybe their is a greater reason, as you always do things in a great way. Father, even here, I will say, I forgive. I still feel the hurt, but I forgive, as tears just naturally flow from me. No wonder though, sometimes, the church gets a bad rap, or because people, are afraid to serve, because the devil, does come to kill, steal, and destroy. And your work. And the work that others, are doing in your name. Lord, religion does scare me. Maybe someday, you will guide me to a home church, and I will feel the love. Till then, I am happy, even just to write here, and to share a good word….from your Kingdom. From your word. Lord, thank you, for comforting me, in this time, for teaching me, so much. Thank you for soothing my heart in this. May it help others. And Lord, stop others from doing this. By the blood of Jesus. I plead it around me, and your true worshippers, In Jesus name. Amen
WHEREFORE BEHOLD I SEND UNTO YOU PROPHETS, AND WISE MEN, AND SCRIBES: AND SOME OF THEM YE SHALL KILL AND CRUCIFY: AND SOME OF THEM SHALL YE SCOURGE IN YOUR SYNAGOGUES, AND PERSECUTE THEM FROM CITY TO CITY. MATTHEW 23:34
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