When trust is gone, it is hard to gain back. And sometimes you decide to walk alone. I admit, I am a wounded soul. In some ways. Yet, I am the strongest I can be in Christ, and I have peace, and hope. Right now. Which in some ways to me, in the natural it makes no sense. But in the spiritual, it does.
And I pray to God not to wound anybody in return. But I think I have. In fact I know I have. Because I am not open for communication. Any more. I have gone silent. Because I won’t give in, and open myself to be hurt again, by those who think I am fair game.
IT IS BETTER TO TRUST IN THE LORD THAN TO PUT CONFIDENCE IN MAN. PSALMS 118:8 KJV.
And for that, I am so very sorry. Especially if you have had a change of heart about me, and see I was true. But it is too late now. The damage is done.
I truly love and wish those that I have severed relationships with. The very best. To live happily ever. But I just cannot pretend, I have not been wounded. So, I am also alienating myself, from others.
For, to be honest, my trust level in folks right now is gone. People, may say things to me, now, and I cannot just shake it off. I used to, I gave them the benefit of the doubt. Extended grace.
THE LORD REDEEMETH THE SOUL OF HIS SERVANTS: AND NONE OF THEM THAT TRUST IN HIM SHALL BE DESOLATE. PSALMS 34:22 KJV.
But sometimes, when things happen lately. I don’t react. Right away. But a seed gets planted, and then it grows, and I realize that some folks just don’t see the error of their ways either. Its like you write someone a letter, and they throw it away. Or they gave you the silent treatment….
But you gave grace. And you wonder, if you cannot communicate, what kind of friendship is that? But you realize that, after giving grace. You realize that, after a time of reflection. The seed grew.
It sometimes turns into a bad seed. And they put it on another person…I don’t want to do that, because I understand hurt people, hurt others, and for that I think its best to walk alone.
So, I find myself wanting to just let go, and walk alone, with Christ, and my immediate family.
I wish I did not have this kind of a testimony, to be writing about. I wish I had fruitful friendships, trusting friendships. The kind, that would be strong. Right now. I wish, that my relationships with people, have not come to this place, where I cannot trust. But it is what it is. I don’t frankly understand it. But I accept it.
I wish no one any hurt or pain, by my decision to walk alone. But, if I seem to bring out the worse in others, I would never want to make them unhappy by who I just am. I saw that happen with some folks. I seemed to bring out the worse in them, instead of the best. It made me sad…
And some apologies have come through, by some, yet, I just don’t seem to bounce back. To open myself to trust. I have forgiven all. So nothing can be said, to change my mind. For the trust is gone. And I am not looking to find it any more. Its hidden in a place, where only God can touch it.
I have never been one to try and flaunt, or brag about anything about me, because if I am blessed in some things, there are things, I have suffered greatly for so, so I don’t understand when someone thinks, I don’t grieve about some things. I am always happy to be on the sidelines, I don’t need the glory. I want God to have it.
FOR THOU ART MY HOPE, O LORD GOD: THOU ART MY TRUST FROM MY YOUTH. PSALMS 71:5 KJV.
So, when they get jealous enough to compare. I don’t understand that. I just know Christ helps me. Anything, I have, everything I have, is due to God, blessing me, and I thank Him.
When someone tells me that they don’t respect me. I believe them. When someone tells me they are jealous of me, I believe them.
And I just rebuke that in the name of Jesus. Why? Because I only had the best heart for these individuals, and this is the end result from them. It is not from God. And they know it! But that’s between them and God now, and the battle is His, I am letting go.
O MY GOD, I TRUST IN THEE: LET ME NOT BE ASHAMED, LET NOT MINE ENEMIES TRIUMPH OVER ME. PSALMS 25:2 KJV.
I do forgive, because I don’t want poison in my soul….
But see, it is that trust that is gone. That scares me. Gives me a red alert. I did not realize how much I could take by some people, I called friends, who I really loved dearly, but I cannot take any more. So I choose now to walk alone…
Trust is such a precious attribute. Be careful with it. Don’t abuse it.
COMMIT THY WAY UNTO THE LORD: TRUST ALSO IN HIM; AND HE SHALL BRING IT TO PASS. PSALMS 37:5 KJV
My circle, is small now. My guard is up, my armor of God is on securely, and my trust is gone.
YE THAT FEAR THE LORD, TRUST IN THE LORD: HE IS THEIR HELP AND THEIR SHIELD. PSALMS 115:11. KJV.
I don’t know if I want to trust anyone ever again. But God. And don’t get me wrong, I am not having a pity party, about it. I am actually feeling just a sense of relief. I don’t understand it, but I am. I feel like a weight has been lifted off.
Like my eyes are completely opened, spiritually, if that makes sense, and I am actually grateful, I have the strength to walk away. You know like after a long storm, and the sunshine comes out, and you just can see things more clearly. And you just thank God. Because you never want to be tossed to and fro, by anyone.
Because you see things….. Things that you may look at and see, but after a while, you realize it is not healthy. For them, or you.
Knowing God, trusting God, has given me discernment.
There is something so comforting in just relying on God. It activates my faith. So though, my trust level in others is gone. It is intense, with God. I have faith. And trust in my Lord.
BLESSED IS THAT MAN THAT MAKETH THE LORD HIS TRUST, AND RESPECTETH NOT THE PROUD, NOR SUCH AS TURN ASIDE TO LIES. PSALMS 40:4 KJV.
I want to be careful to change the tone here in my writings, the subject matter. I am closing these doors. And I think I have spent too much time thinking about them, writing about them, and grieving. Time for the joy of the Lord to be my strength.
I WILL SAY OF THE LORD, HE IS MY REFUGE AND MY FORTRESS: MY GOD; IN HIM WILL I TRUST. PSALMS 91:2 KJV.
Have a blessed Fathers day, everybody.
HEAL+THY+SELF IN CHRIST = JESUS GIVES ME HEALTHY SELF.
ISAIAH 53:5, I claim that for you too….