Why does this happen? Is it because of who we are, what we did, or is it just because some folks see something in us, that makes one be avoided? And all of the above? Or is it because there are demons in these people that hate you, just because of who you are in Christ, and that makes you someone to treat shabbily?
I don’t know. I have seen it so much in my life, but I have seen it with others who really don’t know what happened, and they are hurting so bad, that they cannot cope.
I can write about it, at least for me, because I am kind of used to it, if thats even something to ponder on. I have to stop and say, how sad. But I have over come it, in many ways. Not only the loss of friendships, but not being included. Though, I have a very limited family. No brothers or sisters, I am an only child. I really have none, but my immediate family. My dear husband and son.
But for me to even write about all of the above, keeps coming to me, and I felt the Lord have me write about all of this. I could be a poster child for all of that, through out my life. I don’t feel like writing about this to be honest. But obedience, is not about how I feel, but how God feels, and thats what counts right now. Because for whatever reason, he wants me to express it.
I am not proud of it. Who wants to admit that this has happened to me often, not just once, but most of my life? I like to keep some things secret about myself. As far as having some dignity. But I keep hearing the Lord, telling me to write about it. So obey I will. Who knows maybe this will help someone cope, and if it does, please tell me. In the comments below. I will pray for you. And would be honored to go to the throne of God, on your behalf. Because I actually do understand.
But I have not had a lot of friends, who I trusted. Who I relied on. It seemed, many of my friends, were really bad influences for me.
But long story short. I do not, have family, or people who I have thought to be friends with. I am friendly. But very reserved. Because of the experiences I have had. I used to try and be very friendly. But now that I am older, I don’t try. I am not as opened of a book as I used to be. I am not as receptive either.
It started in my childhood, and I can only attribute that to the environment I lived in. I had to fight to survive. Literally. The hood is not an easy place to grow up in. Did I want to fight? No not at first, but I did fight many times, and there were times, I paid the cost. Broken nose, etc. And more…
But I never tried to hurt someone, just to hurt them. I still do not. To be mean spirited. To be snobbish, or to exclude someone, though again reserved. I have worked in the business world, where women could be so catty, and competitive, and I never went for that either. I still do not. Though, I am sure, I have hurt some folks, because you know, they crossed boundaries, and if someone does that, and does not respect you, that can be problematic. But it can cause someone to exclude you too, and that has happened.
So I had to be careful. And yes, to experience, being excluded, ignored, snubbed, and have people betray me, or my feelings has been something I have dealt with most of my life. Not proud to admit that.
But God.... if it was not for God, in everyone of these situations, where I felt challenged, denied, or left out of the picture, I would have had a really hard time with it. Yes, there have been tears, sadness, loneliness. So deep, and hurtful, that I actually hurt myself, in return with things that were not good for my health, things that made the situation worse, like drinking or whatever.
But before this….Thats one of the reasons, I became a Christian. I had to start realizing I did not need people. Or at least people that did not care, brought out the worse in me, tried to manipulate me, or who were jealous. I started to find, I liked my own company. Solitude sometimes, is comforting. Why? Because I am really not alone, when I am alone. Christ is with me. We talk, I tell HIM how I love HIM, and HE as well. He is so gracious to me, and I am so glad, that I know, that I know there is a God. I praise God. But I have my part. I have to seek God, and I do.
God did bring someone wonderful to me, and that is my husband, and yes my son. We are united, they don’t turn on me, they don’t deny me, or isolate me, by ignoring me. Which is such a blessing.
So yes, I am grateful for that. But I have learned, to accept myself as is, with all my flaws. With all my idiosyncrasies. And I have searched to find who I am in Christ.
But back to the real reason, I am writing this, how do you cope when you feel excluded, alone, betrayed, ignored, snubbed, left out of situations? How do you cope?
First of all you need to know something, this is always spiritual warfare, and sometimes, people, you don’t expect to betray you will. The devil’s goal is to always make you feel isolated, hurt, saddened by people. He will use people. He will plant in their minds, jealousy, or envy, or just a disdain, or dislike. Suspiscion. This is in my mind, a reason, why Christ tells us to forgive. To walk in love. To be tenderhearted with one another. So remember this verse, when you feel those fiery darts. When you feel them touching your heart. First of all know, to wear the armor of God. Ephesians 6. King James. Second remember this:
BEHOLD, I GIVE UNTO YOU POWER TO TREAD ON SERPENTS AND SCORPRIONS, AND OVER ALL THE POWER OF THE ENEMY: AND NOTHING SHALL BY ANY MEANS HURT YOU. Luke 10:18 King James.
Notice, that KJV verse says, over all the power of the enemy? That hurt comes from the enemy, and is meant to hurt you, destroy your confidence. Christ can give you the power to cope, to live, to have joy, with or without these darts that have been thrown at you, to wound you.
NO WEAPON THAT IS FORMED AGAINST THEE SHALL PROSPER: AND EVERY TONGUE THAT SHALL RISE AGAINST THEE IN JUDGMENT THOU SHALT CONDEMN. THIS IS THE HERITAGE OF THE SERVANTS OF THE LORD, AND THEIR RIGHTEOUSNESS IS OF ME, SAITH THE LORD. Isaiah 54:17 King James.
( I cannot even put into words the many times, this King James verse has come alive to me.) As a promise I have seen. Lord I praise you.
Third: Bottom line, one never knows the scars that people have. This is why we must always walk in love, the love of Christ. Maybe you are excluding someone, who needs Christ? Food for thought. And you don’t even realize it. Maybe I don’t? Hmmmm.
But if you don’t know this, do not practice walking in love, or understanding. if you allow it to continue, he will have won a battle. But….
Not if you give it all to God, and no matter what the hurt or betrayal is, don’t forget Christ told us, that people would isolate us, they would persecute us. He understood betrayal. Look at Judas, look at how he betrayed Christ. Sad, but we seem to see a lot of people like that in life, and even politically, I won’t say who, but there is a man, who is very much betrayed right in all of our sight. And when he has been down, they tried to kick him.
You have to learn to know who you are in Christ, and thats the only thing that has saved me, from all of it. And I do search. I may not go to church that much any more, because of religious people that hurt me as well. But I do still seek God.
But, when you truly get a sense of who HE is, what HE did for all of us, you can also see yourself in a different light.
You can see, that even though, you may be alone, or left out of peoples minds to include you, on the job, or in life, personal matters etc. You can carry on. Oh this will freak them out. Because they want to see they pushed your buttons. They want to see you go after them. They want you to beg. They want you to lose that piece of yourself, that is precious, by giving it all away. That dignity. No don’t.
There is something to be said, when you have said, no, these are my boundaries, and if you cannot respect them, if you cannot abide by wanting to hurt me, or pull something over me, manipulate me, then no, I am fine by myself.
Trust is something that once it is gone, it is gone. Yes you can forgive. But if someone has broken your trust once, they could do it again. So I reserve myself in situations like that.
Friend, and I call you friend, because I want to put ointment on your wounds. I want you to heal. I want you to be strong, why? Because Christ wants this for you.
So now I understand, why HE wants me to write this, even though it exposes my own wounds. Because healing, by Christ is the only way, we can change. Still waters run deep. There may be things that you experienced, even as a child, that still hurts. Don’t let it any more. Take it to the throne of God. Give it to him, and begin a new. That can only happen, when we go to God though, and repent, for our own short comings, and then start living for HIM. Changing our thoughts, our minds, by the word of God, and yes, I recommend a King James.
You can heal. Maybe God will bring true friends to you. Maybe you can be reconciled with a loved one. Maybe HE still will for me as well. And I think HE has in some ways, I am just shy now, to pursue them more, but only HE can heal.
Take care. God bless you. Remember Jesus does understand…
Elena Ramirez
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